Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
