the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
