She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
