im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
