Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
