Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
