I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
