watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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