There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
