Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
