Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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