just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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