Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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