Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
