i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
