im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
