Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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