like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
