I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
