it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
