I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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