Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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