i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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