Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
