Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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