sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
