census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
