Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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