I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
