I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
