i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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