did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
