When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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