I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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