he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
