My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
whose parrot is this?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
