If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
