If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
