I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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