Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
