based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My vagina is officially offended.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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