I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
