I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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