a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
