There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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