I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
