I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
