if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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