all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
