Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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