watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
